It's after 1 am

Miss Baby finally sleeps the medicated sleep finally brought on by a touch of Benadryl. I finished my book. Now, maybe I get to sleep?

Back in the saddle...

This will be more of a RBOC post, but I'm back from 5 days away. I looked at the internets exactly twice in this span, and I must say, it was nice.
> The closing went off without a hitch. We closed, we got the keys and we got the mattress delivered to the house. Our new house now has a mattress and box springs in it, and that is it for furniture. There is also an old TV/VCR set up in the bedroom to have some noise when we stay there.
> The interviews seemingly went okay. We'll see.
> My vacation was hijacked by the most blatheringly annoying sitter ever. Mom hired a girl from our church at home to come to the beach for the weekend. She never shut up - it was as if she FEARED quiet. I EMBRACE quiet. I was on the verge of violence on several occasions. How do you tell someone that, well, it's time for some family private time, because, well, we have things to discuss that are none of her business! We never got to talk about my issues and what I should do, and I really wanted to talk to my mom, my aunt and my sister about these things. I also didn't get to relax like I needed.
> Mr. Mac is now studying for the patent bar, and he's supposed to spend about 20 hrs per week on the process. Oh, and we're not done packing, and he is still working. And Miss Baby is back with us, and she does take some time to follow around.
> I came back to work today to find out that I have several large conflagrations burning at once. Big fires. One me. Staff heading for the exits, too. Yay.
> They asked me to move into a temporary cube, in another week. It's little, and crappy, and right by the door, and it will be loud. I have my second-most valuable contract to analyze during this time. But I'm almost out of the door, so it's no biggie. Right? Bite me, mo-fos.

My baby is so damn funny. I can't get over how much I missed her and how excited I was to see her again last Friday. She's just so sweet and cute and wonderful.

Life goes on, you know. Doesn't matter what hits the horizon - life goes on.

Taking a break

I'm feeling better since yesterday. I am still hit hard by the c-word, and it's scary to think about what if....

However, I leave tonight to go to ATL. Tomorrow, we close on the house, and we also go buy a mattress, and we spend the first night in our new home. Friday, we leave the city and go to the beach for a nice, long weekend. When we come back, the manic drill begins in earnest, with 4 working weeks (and only 3 weekends) until we move away.

But for now, I'm taking a break. Enjoying my time with Mr. Mac. I can't wait to see Miss Baby again on Friday, and hang out with her at the beach. I need this.

[untitled]

Cancer is scary.

It was in my body.

Maybe it's gone. They think it might be - they think they took it out. But it was less than 1 mm away from the parts they left in.

Do I want another baby, or do I want to be risk-free of a reccurrence of cervical cancer? Do I want to be risk-free of uterine cancer?

I could adopt a baby. My family can't adopt another me. I already have two children. There is no other me.

But I want another baby.

I got nothin'

Too much happening. I have to gather my thoughts. I got nothin' right now. I mean, I got everything. But nothin'.

I'm down - HORRIBLY DOWN - over the no-job situation. In tears regularly, etc.

I'm freaked about everything that has to be done to finalize the packing.

I just said 'bye' to Miss M for 3 weeks, and it broke my heart.

Mama-nette and Papa-Bill have Miss Baby (and cousin M&M) for the week. I miss Miss Baby badly. I need a hug from her.

It's unreal. I don't know what I feel right now.

It's THAT time of year again

Every year, sometime about the beginning of summer, the random Florida death machine cranks up. It's generally sharks. On occasion, it's actually been a microbe. This year, however, it's GATORS! EEK!

Okay, I'm sorry for the people who've lost their loved ones. I genuinely am. However, out of the (likely - just a guess!) hundreds of deaths each week in this state, we're going to concentrate on the three that were freak events. Gators typically do NOT touch humans, and they won't attack unless they or their eggs are threatened. Right now is when Gators have eggs in the nest.

We'll not even get into the heavy issues facing this country or this state. Frankly, there are so many things wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin. Just this morning, I watched a dude flip his SUV because he was driving about 50-60 miles per hour through a PARKING LOT. That, to me, is much more worthy of the press than the Gator Deaths.

At the end, however, it's just not sexy to warn folks to keep sane speed in a parking lot (where, I might add, I would have been WALKING just a few seconds later - I'm CERTAIN the truck would have won had it hit me.... even more dangerous than a Gator, even!). It sells better to walk about gators and body parts and other things like that.

So be warned! The Gators have had it with their second billing to sharks, and they're on the attack! If you find yourself being chased by a Gator, remember to run in a zig-zag, and away from whatever body of water you're near.

Mothers' Day

I'm not a big fan of what I refer to as 'Hallmark Holidays'. While on the one hand, I think Mothers' Day (and for that matter, Fathers' Day) can fall into the category, on the other hand, it's not.

Parents have more influence over children's lives than any other people the child will encounter. They shape the moral fiber of the child, teach her right from wrong, and begin setting her standards for her life. Most of these things happen so early on, that we just don't know what we've done until it's too late.

I hope that my daughters learned the lesson that I love each of them dearly, and each knows that I will do anything I can to keep her healthy and happy. I hope they understand that neither will be put before the other. It's what my mother taught me.

Happy Mothers' Day to all you mothers out there.

I'm alright

I swear. Despite my lack of posting and my now regular appearance in the "Whines of Substance" award winner category at Phantom's, I'm doing okay. I swear. If I say it enough, then I will maybe even begin to believe it. Really.

In all seriousness, I do feel like the world is caving in on top of me in a lot of ways. Last night, I dreamt that I was having chemotherapy. Now, I'm not really sure how chemo works, but what was happening to me is that I was hooked up to a machine that shot medicine directly into my abdomen, and when that hit, I felt severe burning and nausea and an electric shock. It was horrible, and today, I've woken up with an upset stomach.

On Monday, I went to the doctor for the LEEP Cone Biopsy to be performed. As I sat, feet in stirrups, doctor fiddling around underneath, Mr. Mac held my hand and spoke soothingly to me. He also was watching what the doctor did, with a lot of interest. At one point, he made a horrible face, and I (stupidly) asked "What, honey?" He said "Well, this is just, ah, very interesting." On our way home, I asked him to explain what the face was for - he said "Well, they just took such a LARGE piece out of you. I expected it to be small, but it was as big as my THUMB!!"

I laughed. Then I said "Honey - next time, try to control the faces."

The worst part of the whole thing is that after they excised the precancerous lesion from my cervix, they had to cauterize the wound that was left. As in burn it so it would stop bleeding. And you could SMELL that going on. It was nasty, to say the least. And even now, there's an odor about my business that isn't right.

At the end of it all, I'm still job hunting. Nobody has called me about the jobs I've interviewed for, and there's really nothing doing as far as I can tell with anything else at the moment. It's horribly frustrating, and I'm having difficulty even keeping a positive attitude this week.

But, at the end, I look at the picture of my home-to-be. And I talk to my dearest husband. And I play wtih my adorable baby. And I talk to my sweet stepdaughter, and I'm alright. I keep the Jo Dee Messina song going through my head:

"It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight. so I guess I'm doin' alright!"

A-ha.

Things I have done.... This weekend...

1) I went to the grocery and get a few more things to ensure that we have enough food on-hand to deal with the weekend and my OOC status on Monday and Tuesday. We have fresh lasagne made, a nice cut of steak in the fridge with potatoes ready to bake. We lack OJ and milk, but it's the end of the weekend, so natch.
2) I got washing powders, and I did 5 loads of laundry.
3) I went by Office Depot and bought shipping labels and also some fluorescent labels. Snazzy!
4) We packed the following rooms/areas of the house to remain on schedule (we're behind):
- Dining room and Breakfast Room
- Office
- Den
The office took a lot longer than I had anticipated.
5) Sat down with my stepdaughter and arrange for lilies to be sent to my mother-in-law for Mothers' Day. I also helped her select (and paid for) a gift for her mommy. A daughter should ALWAYS have a gift for her mommy for her Birthday, Christmas and Mothers' Day. Apparently, it's my job to ensure Miss M has that for her mom.
6) I went to Target and bought a science kit for M to give to her friend Parmiss for her birthday.
7) I helped Miss M's do her 'make-up' and hair for her dance recital pictures Saturday.
8) I did not get the waffle iron my mom wants for her Birthday Present. I am a horrible child.
9) Dad has strep throat (!!!) so I could not talk to him about what he intends to get Mom for her birthday.


I also went and bought myself a pair of red Crocs. Mr. Mac got a Duke Blue pair. Miss M was pleased as punch to have the entire family clad in Crocs. She has pink ones, you know. We also played on the porch with the kitties, and we took a little time to just goof off Friday. So the list didn't get completed. However, it did get done for the most part, and I can play 'catch-up' this week to make the rest of it happen.

After my LEEP thing tomorrow. Damn.

Things Accomplished and To Accomplish

Here are the things I have accomplished this week:

1) I have signed us up for electric, gas, and water/sewer services.
2) I have found us insurance for our dwelling as well as our autombiles.
3) I have arranged a loan to cover 80% of the purchase price of our new home.
4) I have lined up a closing attorney to handle the transaction.
5) I have arranged for daycare for Miss Baby.
6) I have drafted the visitation agreement for Miss M to come see us monthly, and all holidays, and all summer.
7) I have arranged for a moving company to arrive at my home to take our worldly belongings to our new home.
8) I have begun the arduous process of interviewing for jobs to provide insurance for the family. And some money for extras, like cokes and maybe even an occasional beer.
9) I have spoken with the sanitation department and learned that I cannot arrange for trash pickups until after the house sale is closed.
10) I have made a menu for meals this weekend and next week.
11) I have talked to my doctor's office about my biopsy two weeks ago, and now I've lined up my LEEP for Monday.
12) Ordered pancake molds for my mother's 'Mother's Day Present'.
13) Come to work Tuesday through Friday, for a minimum of 10 hours each day, and accomplished many things on the job. Monday was the day o' interviewing, in Atlanta.

Here are the things that need to be accomplished by the end of this coming weekend:
1) I must run by the grocery and get a few more things to ensure that we have enough food on-hand to deal with the weekend and my OOC status on Monday and Tuesday.
2) I must also remember to get washing powders, so we can have clean clothing.
3) I must run by Office Depot and get shipping labels to use in labeling our boxes containing our worldly possessions, wrapped in bubble wrap.
4) We must pack the following rooms/areas of the house to remain on schedule (we're behind):
- Dining room and Breakfast Room
- Office
- Den
- Guest Room "junk" closet
- Non-essential Kitchen Things
5) Sit down with my stepdaughter and arrange for flowers to be sent to my mother-in-law.
6) Go to Target and buy some sort of party gift for the party Miss M has to attend tomorrow.
7) Get Miss M's 'make-up' and hair done for her dance recital pictures tomorrow morning.
8) Go to Williams Sonoma or log onto the .com version and obtain the waffle iron my mom wants for her Birthday Present.
9) Talk to my dad about what he intends to get her for her birthday. I seem to have dropped the ball here.

In the coming week, I need to finalize so many more things. I must do the following at a bare minimum:
1) Find a job
2) Arrange for television service and broadband internet service
3) Complete whatever tasks are assigned to me by my lender. I'm certain they will ask for a vial of my baby's blood or something for the signing.
4) Contact the local utilities to ensure that all utilities are taken out of our name effective the last day we're here. Also, I should notify the owner of my home of our last day here.
5) Go in to the Dr. on Monday for the LEEP and deal with the pain associated with that.
6) Come in to work every day, and attempt to do my job, wherein I will bid the honor to produce 1 billion envelopes out to a set of suppliers. Yes, 1 billion.
7) Continue to take care of my family.

Now, what I'd also like to do is go buy myself a pair of Crocs Caymans. What color should I get? Miss M already has the pink. Mr. Mac is getting the Duke Blue ones, I'm sure. Me, however, I go between the lime green, the red, the fucia, the yellow, the turquoise, and well... I just don't know.

So what do you do?

I had interviews on Monday. I returned to the office today, logged onto the computer, and saw that they had upgraded my software, including all MS Office Applications and Outlook.

I sat down and wrote my thank yous. I am the kind of person who typically writes, saves, reviews and sends something important. I make frequent type-os, which I know, so I work dilligently to combat that by adding the 'review' step into the process. So, I wrote the most important thank you of them all. I looked at it.... I had "I look forward to the...", which I thought would be better stated as "I welcome the...". Only, I put in "I look welcome the..."

No biggie. I saved, right?

Uh, no - I sent. And the recall attempt on the message failed. And I just don't know what to do? Do I send ANOTHER e-mail explaining? Do I blow it off? I really, REALLY want this job.

I think I'll go cry.