Last night

I was on the phone with my mom, when another call came in for her. My aunt died peacefully late yesterday. We were talking about other major [for now unbloggable] things going on around here. I'm sorry that Aunt Janie has died, but at the same time, I am glad she's found peace.

Now if the rest of my mom's family could act like grown adults, and behave over all this, we'd be good.

Happy Birthday Daddy

Today's my daddy's birthday. Just like George Washington. Only he still has his real teeth. But he loves some cherry pie.

So happy birthday - you're a great daddy and granddaddy. I'm so thrilled we've all got you around to help us out with our lives.

Update

I'm beyond paranoid to post this, but it's good for at least the time being - my aunt was taken off her respirator this morning, and she's reviving. She's tough, to say the least.

Weight Watchers

I must be doing something right. I've been reluctant to post. But dang, y'all - 14.2 lbs are gone! Woo woo!

Aunt Janie

When my mom was growing up, she didn't have the childhood we'd all wish for our kids. Very honestly, that understates the situation. Her mother, while a very accomplished teacher, was not the most loving, tender of people. Even with her grandkids, my 'swamp-granny' was a bit more difficult. I could get along with her, because I was a tomboy who loved to be outside, riding horses, fishing and hunting. But my mom wasn't as a child, nor will she ever be. And that was hard. On top of it, her parents were hard working, and my mom was the oldest of three, so she was responsible for a lot of the household matters, including taking care of her two younger sisters.

One person took my mom under her 'wing' and treated her like a little girl, and that was my Aunt Janie. She's my grandfather's brother. We have beautiful collections of crocheted items that Aunt Janie made. My mom has a hand-crocheted "Last Supper" that is framed, hanging in our foyer at home, which Aunt Janie made over the course of the last 6 months of my swamp-granny's life. She gave it to my mom for her 40th birthday, which was on the day after her mother had died.

I have a collection of crocheted ornaments, and also a nice set of cross-stitched Christmons, which I put out every year in a special place. These were made by Aunt Janie.

Aunt Janie moved 'in town' about 2 years ago, when she just couldn't take care of her house any more. She got an apartment in Braswell Homes, which is technically low-income housing, but it's become a place where the older population moves when they need to live in a duplex rather than a home. It's a nice community, full of many older widows. One thing they did there was feed the cats. Now, a few cats are good, but (literally) 75 or so around becomes a problem.

So Aunt Janie took it upon herself to begin trapping the cats. My Uncle Bobby is the super for the subsidized housing projects in my home town. His wife is my mom's sister, and so he took care of Aunt Janie. One day, he showed up to see how she was doing, and she took him inside, and showed him her three traps, each with a live cat inside. "Bobby, we got to get rid of these so I can catch more!" So Uncle Bobby took them away, presumably out of town to the country, and she proceeded to catch 28 cats, two possums, a raccoon, and a coyote (no lie!) in her traps over her two years.

About a month ago, Aunt Janie fell and needed her shoulder operated on somehow. They proceeded with the operation despite her age (84), and she had some issues recovering from the surgery. Turns out, her fall was caused by a mild heart attack. So they put a stint in to deal with some sort of problem there. And she got worse. Her kidneys failed for the first time, and they had to put her on dialysis. Last week, things started working again, but she still was having problems with water on her lungs. She never got off dialysis - but she did develop a blood infection from the catheterization.

Today, they called in the family.

Aunt Janie lies in a hospital bed, with a staph infection, failing organs, and her family around her. I don't know how much longer she has, but it's coming soon, and I'm just not ready to let her go. She was special to me, and not just because she was so special to my mother. She is a good, Christian woman, who genuinely worked to make this world a better place in her own way. She loved making things with her hands, and she continued that up until this past Christmas, when she gave everyone hand-made ornaments for Christmas. Beautiful things - something I could never begin to duplicate.

This year has already brought loss into my life, and I'm just not ready for it to happen again. At the same time, death is absolutely part of life, and that's something I must accept, because God does not let us choose the time or place. I guess that those of us left here among the living must continue to live our lives in a manner that honors those who precede us.

But it's still hard, and it's even harder when it's my mommy who's hurting the most over this.

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm lucky. See, I'm getting a do-over at life. It's embarrassing to me to admit it, but yeah, that's what's happening. It's not a complete do-over. I start at the bottom of a pretty steep hill, and I've got to push myself up it. But at the same time, I am fortunate to have the chance to walk away from being a Corporate Drone and do something that has more meaning for me.

When I was a kid, I had a single ambition in life. I wanted to be a vet - a large animal vet. Particularly interesting in light of this article from Monday's New York Times. It talks about the lack of large animal vets, especially in the more isolated farming communities. No kidding - this is exactly what I wanted to do: be an old fashioned, James Herriot style 'farm vet'.

Of course, my do-over isn't so expansive that I get to go back to vet school. I don't really even want that. I think it's sad, really, that a child is pushed from so young an age to say what s/he wants to be when s/he grows up. My husband wanted to be an astronaut. Maybe I'd be in a bizarre love triangle today if his eyes didn't go all wonky in the third grade.

So what is my 'do-over'? Well, it's me taking stock of what I have to my name (specifically my multiple degrees) and where I can put those things to best use for me, my family, and my community. I know that step 1 is passing the bar examination, not an easy feat for those without a 9-year lapse between school and the sitting date. Beyond that, I don't know what the steps will be.

I plan to do a ton of exploring of fields. I'm not looking to join a big midtown firm. I am, however, looking to practice law that has some direct (positive) impact on people's lives. Any thoughts out there?

GTHC!

Punks!

What my life has become

Bullets. I'm nothing but a collection of bullets.

* I had a song in my head. I couldn't place it. It was just the introduction to the song, and I was really liking the chordal progression, etc., when it dawned on me. I was singing a dang Barney song.

* There actually is something more annoying out there than Barney. It's Dora. Barney has a good 10-12 song rotation. Dora has about 4.

* My child has worn her "Bunnies" (bunny slippers) to school twice this week. Yes, I realize this week is exactly two days long so far. I figured out the reason this morning, somewhat - her Keds are too small and pinching her feet. Bah!

* I have found that Weight Watchers is actually going to be an easy diet for me to follow. While, on the one hand, no food is 'forbidden'; on the other hand, it's almost impossible to eat your 'points' ration if you stick to a list of foods that includes lean protein options, loads of veggies and high-fiber starches. Yesterday, I was seriously 7 1/2 points UNDER, and I was stuffed all day.

* The downside of WW is that I do have to avoid junk food like the plague. So we've just gotten rid of all that. It's also very difficult to eat out on WW if you don't go to places that have nutritional information available. I guess I'll just try to eat what I know is lower-point options? Who knows.

* Papa John's just sent us a flyer with all their deals on pizza for the coming weeks. Damn you! Now, I want gooey-cheesy pizza, with Italian Sausage and garlic-butter dipping sauce. AAAAAAAAGH!

* I think I'm getting a Nano, btw. Thanks for the feedback - I really appreciate it.

* Law school prom is in 3 1/2 weeks, and Mr. Mac wants to go. It's black tie. The last black tie event I attended was my wedding, almost 5 years ago. And a child ago. And before I quit smoking. Hell, before I needed the aforementioned Weight Watchers. I would seriously have to lose 35 lbs to fit into any of what I have that is 'formal wear'. Do I go buy something, or what? *gulp*

Question for all you portable music widget owners!

I want an iPod. Well, not necessarily an iPod, because it's the most expensive option out there. But I want a thingie I can use for playing music when I walk. I want a flash-drive option, and I want one that is easy to use. I don't want a 'shuffle' option - I want something where I can at least choose the song I am going to hear. And I want one that works, that won't break, and that will withstand some rough treatment (which is just a general precaution one takes with a 2 year old). Please, people, debate amongst yourselves, call each other a ninny with no brain, and all that other fun stuff - but most importantly, PLEASE help me figure out what my parents are giving me for my birthday last week! :)