I'm certifiable

I think I'm gonna sit down and that that nasty bugger-bear bar exam. At least it's the Georgia bar. Please expect to see my next post coming in from the loony-bin, which is where I clearly belong.

Happy Birthday Sweetie

Mr. Mac is another year older today. I follow suit in another 9 days. Happy birthday sweetie!

Writer's Block

As Little Miss S says when she wants to get out of her car seat "I'm Saaa-TUCK!"

Protect SMU

Methodists say NO to Bush Library at SMU. Y'all go sign this thing, too!

Heartbreaking

My cousin (my dad's first cousin, so my second) was found dead early this morning in her house. She lost her mom to cancer in high school, and about 5 years later, her dad to a drunk driver. To say she had a difficult time at a difficult age understates things. She got involved in a very fast crowd - coke, ex, etc. She married an absolute asshole jerk who screwed around on her then left her for a very young, wealthy woman. They got back together when she found out she was pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy, so he left her again, while she was still in the hospital - my dad and the two other male cousins had to take her home.

And things devolved from there.

My cousin was found with a crack pipe and a few rocks around her, in her bed. Nobody even knows when she died - she was alone.

Daddy is absolutely broken-hearted. He, along with other cousins (she had no siblings) tried so hard to get her away from the drugs and back into life. He, along with those same two male cousins, watched the county coroner take her out in a black body bag.

My cousin bounced from one rehab facility to another. She ended up selling the old family homestead (where my great-grandfather grew up) for more drug money. She sold off most of the family land under her control, except about a hundred acres. Nobody knows where it goes - there's a will, but we don't know what's in it. This land is stunning, and we fear it will be developed.

She was my hero when I was a kid. She had beautiful horses, and she was beautiful to boot - tall, skinny, blond.... She was an absolute sweetheart toward me, and always took a lot of time with me when I was small. She let me ride her horses sometimes - it was our 'secret'.

And she died alone, shunning the family that loved her so much, trying to make her demons and pain stop with crack.

This kills me. I look at her and realize that but for God's grace, it could be me. It could be any of us. I pray that God will have mercy on her soul - she was tortured in life here. May she finally have found peace in the ever-after.

I'm such a bad mommy

Mr. Mac has a meeting tonight. So Little Miss S and I are home alone. What does she want for dinner? Popcorn.

So that's what she's having. With milk at least. I'm having mine with beer.

Happy Birthday, my little girl

I guess it's time to give Miss Baby a new nom de blog. She's two years old today. Last night, we had a birthday gathering for her. Mr. Mac's law school friends with kids, his study partner and her husband, and loads of family. My cousin did a magic show, and we had food and cake. Miss Baby couldn't be settled down to sleep until after 9, she was just so wired! This morning, she took cake to her Baby School to share with her friends there.

Cute moment - When my cousin was doing his magic show, my niece M&M came into the living room. She grabbed some balloons from a table, and then took Miss Baby's hand, and says "COME ON! WETS GO PWAY!" And off they went - oblivious to the magic show. Miss M and her gaggle of girls thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing, as did many adults, so my cousin wasn't lacking for an audience! It was just really cute - we had our evening's entertainment going in the living room, while Miss Baby, M&M, and a few other toddlers wreaked havoc back in her bedroom with all the toys.

I made my homemade lasagna with garlic bread, fruit and a salad. My aunt made a lovely Strawberry Cake, in heart shape, and we stuck an Elmo candle on top. Of course, we had ice cream cups (YUM). With more Elmo was scattered about - the 15 month old who was there took an Elmo paper whistle thing (the ones that roll up and down), and proceeded to kiss Elmo and hold it for the rest of the night. He was in heaven!

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It's difficult for me to grasp that she's been my life for two years now. It's not that it seems so short - in some ways it does - but it's the permanence and the timelessness nature of her here with me. I simply can't imagine or even remember life without her. Her baby days are now just a mere haze to me - I see glimpses every now and again. But now, she's full of herself and loving life so much. It's hard to believe that she was ever anything other than just who she is right now. I can't imagine her getting bigger, but I know she will. She just is my girl - my beautiful girl.

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I guess she becomes Miss S. I can call her Little Miss S, in a Mini Dress, if I'm so inclined. Happy Birthday.