Heartbreaking

My cousin (my dad's first cousin, so my second) was found dead early this morning in her house. She lost her mom to cancer in high school, and about 5 years later, her dad to a drunk driver. To say she had a difficult time at a difficult age understates things. She got involved in a very fast crowd - coke, ex, etc. She married an absolute asshole jerk who screwed around on her then left her for a very young, wealthy woman. They got back together when she found out she was pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy, so he left her again, while she was still in the hospital - my dad and the two other male cousins had to take her home.

And things devolved from there.

My cousin was found with a crack pipe and a few rocks around her, in her bed. Nobody even knows when she died - she was alone.

Daddy is absolutely broken-hearted. He, along with other cousins (she had no siblings) tried so hard to get her away from the drugs and back into life. He, along with those same two male cousins, watched the county coroner take her out in a black body bag.

My cousin bounced from one rehab facility to another. She ended up selling the old family homestead (where my great-grandfather grew up) for more drug money. She sold off most of the family land under her control, except about a hundred acres. Nobody knows where it goes - there's a will, but we don't know what's in it. This land is stunning, and we fear it will be developed.

She was my hero when I was a kid. She had beautiful horses, and she was beautiful to boot - tall, skinny, blond.... She was an absolute sweetheart toward me, and always took a lot of time with me when I was small. She let me ride her horses sometimes - it was our 'secret'.

And she died alone, shunning the family that loved her so much, trying to make her demons and pain stop with crack.

This kills me. I look at her and realize that but for God's grace, it could be me. It could be any of us. I pray that God will have mercy on her soul - she was tortured in life here. May she finally have found peace in the ever-after.