Dear Mr. George Bush,

I recognize that the State of the Union address is a very important speech for you to give. You've probably had people planning your words very carefully. I'd even wager you've been standing in front of a mirror to go over them, to make sure you don't stumble. Heck - you could be one of those people who videotapes yourself before important speeches to watch them in fast forward and see how badly your hand movements are.

But, dude - why did you move it all the way to the end of the month? It's supposed to be on the 3d Tuesday, which by my count, was Jan. 17. You may could have moved it to Jan. 24.

See, Mr. Bush, Jan. 31 is my birthday. I get old on that day, to be quite honest. It's a semi-milestone year for me. I don't want to be spending my energy on my birthday night hatin' on your speech. I don't really care to think about you, your illegal war, your misogynistic (sp?) Supreme Court Nominee who will likely be confirmed that very day (happy birthday to me - now, forfeit all my rights as a woman!), your spying, your corruptness, or even your snarky visage on that day. It's MY day, and I want it to be about ME.

So, can we compromise here? I'll hold off making snarky comments about you on my birthday, if you'll move your speech to another day.

Please?

Sincerely,
DevilMacDawg