Heavy Thoughts

Right now, Mr. Mac and I are at a significant crossroads. Of course, our entire life is up in the air right now, because Mr. Mac has no clue where he'll be attending law school. At the end of the day, though, it appears that Florida is very likely to accept, and Georgia is a good chance as well. Florida State is the most logical backup in that it's the highest rated of the "safeties" to which Rob applied.

So what does all that mean? See, there's me (and I lump Miss Baby in with me) to throw in the picture. What about my career and my life? What do I want to do with myself? And in addition to that, there's Miss M. What do we do about her?

See, we do not have residential custody of Miss M, and so as the "secondary parent", Mr. Mac is somewhat limited by our visitation schedule. It's a fairly liberal visitation schedule, and her mother must afford us the right of first refusal any time she can't care for Miss M herself. Well, what if we're 300 miles away? We can't very well drop life and come get her for an overnight visit because her mother has to work.

At the end of the day, however, we do have the following matters:
1) I hate this place. I really do. It's too damn hot, the people are rude, and it's not home to me at all. There is no sense of community. I have friends, but none of them are close, AND my family is a minimum of 6 hours away. Mr. Mac's mom is in North Carolina.
2) I hate my job. My boss announced her "retirement" yesterday. A year ago, I would have gunned for her job. I'm not so sure that's the case any more. Her job isn't "all that". At the same time, it's stable, it pays decent, and it's here. And my boss is not going to be here any more, which will make my life more bearable, to say the least.
3) Mr. Mac and I want to move to Georgia and raise our kids in my hometown. We can either do it this year, or we will wait another 9 years until Miss M is out of high school. I don't see us uprooting anytime in the interim.

So it's all up in the air. Right now, the only way I can sleep through the night is if I take Nyquil - largely because I've got one of those annoying hacking cough type colds, but then once I wake up, all this hits my brain and I don't know the answers.

I'm not someone who deals very well in the realm of no answers.

See, I plan and plot and make sure that my path is clearly charted. This is a result of having lived life from 18 to 28 completely adrift, following the path of least resistance. Now, I feel the urge to plot out each and every alternative and know precisely what will happen regardless of which step I take today.

And I don't know. It would all be easier if, if, if - there are a thousand "ifs". But real life is what we must contemplate.

There's probably going to be a whole lot more on this subject. Hopefully I can come to some resolution as to the right thing. Who knows, really.