Bullies

I'm Southern. It's a central part of my being. I spend significant time and energy trying to ensure that I don't step on anyone's toes and don't hurt anyone's feelings. It's just my nature. That said, I'm not a wimp. "Steel Magnolia" is certainly an apt descriptor. I'm tough and firm when I need to be, but I try to stand up for myself with a sugar coating.

I also carefully observe the rules of etiquette and good manners. What I've found is that these rules translate into a very professional demeanor in the business world. People like to work with those who respect their time and space, and they appreciate when colleagues express thanks and appreciation as necessary. They also appreciate when less than positive news is given in a kind tone.

How does this relate to bullies? Well, to put it mildly, I'm having an issue with a colleague at work. See, she's not Southern - she's a Puerto Rican from Manhattan, and she is PROUD of that heritage. She flaunts it. By flaunt, I'm using Webster's definition that states "to display ostentatiously or impudently". Yeah. She's a bully, very honestly. A classic schoolyard bully. We'll just call her The Bully.

The Bully comes to all meetings late, whether she calls them or someone else - like 15 to 20 mintues (here in a culture where meetings begin on time). I find this to be a sign of complete disrespect for others. She has used tone and words with her subordinates that would make me just leave.

The Bully has even attempted to boss me about my work (to which I literally responded "Listen, you are not the boss of me. Now back off!").

Well, lately, I've had to deal with her subordinates and also the suppliers we use calling me to complain about the treatment she's giving them. In addition, I have heard through the grapevine that The Bully is having meetings with the vendors I manage on the side, and instructing them that she, in fact, is my boss. Or at least that she is responsible for the things that I do in my job. Behind my back. Pretty tacky, to say the least.

And I don't know what to do. One one hand, I think that I should just lay low and let it go - after all, I'm leaving in a few months so there's really nothing for me to gain by standing up except to make her mad. I've always just avoided bullies, because I learned early on that there was no winning a show-down with one.

But, there's the principle of it all. And the fact that she's acting with very bad manners is really a poor reflection on our entire group. Additionally, she's hurting the overall morale of our group here. Folks are going home crying - one woman went home in tears last night after The Bully kept here an hour and a half late, yelling at her and breaking her down. She did nothing wrong (only what I'd asked her to do), and she was so upset when she got home that she didn't eat dinner and went to bed. This woman is someone who is just so sweet and concientious - I've had to work with her just to calm down. And it's just one example.

I could go on with the examples of the behavior, but it's just too depressing. I've broached the subject with my boss (also The Bully's boss), and he thinks there are definitely some "communications issues". However, he still hasn't seemed to reign her in.

At the end of the day, I'm just hoping that she will get herself fired or quit in a snit. I don't want to deal with her. On the other hand, I'm trying my best to counter the destructive influence she's having on my colleagues and also on our business relationships. It's very frustrating in the least.

So how do you balance it - I hope there's a way to get through to her by example, rather than by confrontation. Unfortunately, as time goes on, I realize we will probably have to have some sort of a show-down. And trust me, The Bully will ensure it's a show-down rather than a discussion.

The Bully is out of the office today. It's so much quieter here, and more peaceful, and it's really less stressful all around. I think that I'll point this out to my boss. Maybe he'll start cluing into this and recognize he has to deal with it.